Friday, February 11th, 2011...9:23 pm

Acceptance and grief: letting go to the present moment

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I have a very vulnerable, open heart this week. A week ago Thursday I got news of an upcoming change which at the outset seemed so trivial. All the more reason why I was so caught off guard when I felt emotion welling up inside me.

My first reaction was to contain at all cost. Ignore, push away, withhold what was emerging. Moments passed and I acknowledged I had another choice- acceptance. I slipped into a vacant office, closed the door and cried. It felt good, a release, a letting go, and a respect of self.

in another time, before my Aikido training, it’s hard to say how long I might have gone holding, constraining, and pushing what was emerging away. All which would have been wasted energy.

I feel lighter now albeit still sensing my aching heart. The feelings of loss I’m sensing now are the gift of loving fully. What a shame it would be to let the fear of loss or the fear of losing someone or something in the future keep me from experiencing loving fully in the moment. This takes me back to the first days following my daughters’ births. I remember being swept completely away by the sensations of love and the simultaneously overwhelming fear of losing them.

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